Testimony: His Light in the darkness

Jerusalem of Gold

Word and Testimony: His Light in the darkness

Word given 1st Tamuz 5730 (23/06/20) and published on this website on 17th Tamuz 5730 (09/07/20)


“The LORD has said that you may be able to break a wooden yoke, but HE will replace it with an iron yoke.” (Jeremiah 28:13) I saw darkness, like a volcanic dust cloud. It made the coming winter cold and dark and longer. A long, dark winter, and cold. Then He said: "BUT TO MY BRIDE "Light dawns in the darkness for the upright - for the gracious, compassionate, and righteous." (Psalm 112:4)


[Note added 31/10/20: During the 2nd US Presidential Debate on 22/10/20 BOTH candidates used EXACTLY the same phrase the LORD not only spoke to me back in the summer but also told me to underline above this way - "a long, dark winter" -  when I published this prophetic word on 09/07/20. One candidate even repeated this exact phrase twice! Here's the conversation: Joe Biden said: “We’re about to go into a dark winter. A dark winter. And he has no clear plan, and there’s no prospect that there’s going to be a vaccine available for the majority of the American people before the middle of next year.” Trump responded by saying, “I don’t know if we’re going to have a dark winter at all. We’re opening up our country. We’ve learned and studied and understand the disease, which we didn’t at the beginning.” In addition, 10 days ago, on 21/10/20 CBC published a report that opened with this statement: "Psychologists have worried about the mental health toll of rising COVID-19 cases and tightened restrictions for months — add in the shorter days and colder weather of the approaching season, and we could be in for what one expert called "a long, dark winter." - Again, the EXACT longer phrase of words the LORD gave me, but remember, He gave them to me back when the sun was shining in June. When God speaks He's obviously always perfectly accurate because He's God, but I just have to make sure I'm listening precisely. I feel like there's more to this and I'll get back to you as it is confirmed. But to highlight, all this is referring to the dust-particles of a pandemic infection.]


The Hebrew word for upright is: יָשַׁר  It means: upright, straight in the ethical sense, free from obstacles, successful.

Then the LORD said: “Many are called but few are chosen.” (Matthew 22:14). I believe He was talking about the Rapture to me!

Chosen means: elect, of those chosen out by God for the rendering of a special service to Him (Concordance notes: of the Hebrew race, particularly Hebrews, the Messiah and Christians).


MY TESTIMONY of His Light in the darkness and it's application of forgiveness, ready for the Rapture:

Last week I pleaded with the LORD for my two teenage children to be raptured with me; for Him to keep them safe into His Kingdom through the coming storm. I stood looking out at the sky and interceded for my two children.

Then the LORD shocked me, but when I thought about what I know of His Character it didn't really: “Now pray the same for the salvation of the two people who have done the most evil to you, who are still alive.” I’d forgiven them. But am not in any contact or relationship, as they are both still unrepentant, unchanged and ungodly. But to pray for them the same?!! (I also needed to pray for the two groups around them who were / are enablers and complicit.) 

I am the survivor of long term multi-dimensional abuse. Because of the LORD I was high functioning with most of my pain buried very deep down. Through the years of walking with Him and trying my broken best to obey Him, He had moved much of my hypervigilance into spiritual discernment, my over-busyness into a strong work ethic, my need to rescue my lost inner child into working in Law, justice and children's charities, and my emotional neglect into parenting in His Loving guidance and protection over all three of us. I was an outwardly gifted, confident and fairly gentle human, but quietly struggling for most of my adult life with symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress, without even knowing what that was. The LORD did not orchestrate the time for my deep recovery until He knew I was strong enough. He is a Gentleman, a Healer, a Protector, par excellence. He waited years, while protecting me from the worst of re-traumatisation, until I gave Him permission, because I knew something was wrong, I knew I needed His help and I knew with His Love, facing it wouldn't kill me. 

Two abusers: one was one of the originals, and a few decades later, one was the psychological storm the LORD allowed to expose the repressed trauma and evil of the original, like an emotional replica. Both horrific. Deceptive. Manipulative. Shocking. Long term. Terrifying. Unimaginable. Criminal. These were the two people who have done the most evil to me, and the LORD said to pray for their salvation.

Two people, both still 'alive' but dead; one old, one younger; one ice cold, one a multitude of personalities; both catastrophically ill, physically and/or mentally, from two different continents, races, cultures, languages; two different stages of cracking veneers, with two very different-looking shoals of complicit enablers.

First, I want to speak to my fellow Brides who have survived abuse, King Yeshua is the Perfect Saviour for us. He is our Substitutional Sacrifice. One day, to allow me to access my emotions so long terrified into mute, He showed me Himself being abused in my place. He looked at me with such eternal quiet Love as He took my place. In that moment, I instead cried out “NO!” It was the first time my voice had made a single sound of angry protest about my original abuse, through the paralysing terror that had locked me inside for decades of my life. And as my Perfect Counsellor He then said, “Now feel and express that for yourself.” This was just one of so many moments of Him guiding me through the Healing He brought me. (My Christian therapist had tried to get me to shout in anger for months and I could not.) My LORD and Saviour is the loveliest Person I have ever known. 

Joseph was betrayed into a pit and a prison. Daniel remained faithful to God in Babylon and emerged victorious from a deadly lion's den, which brought his abusers to their knees before his God or to their deaths. Esther was orphaned, threatened with extinction, then waited on her God to bring her and her people freedom and honour. What makes me so special to think I can be exempt from suffering, that my testimony of Life, through attempted death to my soul and spirit, cannot also say “Look Who is King and He is undefeatable!”

Psychology can only heal or explain so far. Then there is a line in the sand, beyond which it cannot go. Beyond that line is the spiritual; the soul, the heart, the mind, the spirit of the person who got buried, the child who died. Psychology is not supernatural. The LORD God of the Bible is. He brought the little girl back from the dead: "He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”) Mark 5:41.

He is the One Who holds, treasures and guards our buried traumatised parts, until we are strong enough in Him, for Him to gently, perfectly, patiently, watchfully, perform Eternal Surgery to restore our hearts and minds to His Glory, Beauty, Peace, Well-Being and Wholeness. I do not know how people survive this without Yeshua. Many don’t. Not internally anyway. They are still fragmented, in denial, unable to bear the pain, the shame, the horror, the deceit. And the devil is a bully who never plays fair. He will hit them with abuse, then come alongside them with the fake cure to the very pain he caused, which leads to even more destruction - what I call the double hook.


The LORD Yeshua gave me His Courage to face the past I survived only because of Him. He was with me through it all. He took my soul and spirit up to keep safely with Him. He was, is, and always will be my Light in the darkness.

I also don’t know where people put the anger. I thought my finally-surfacing anger would rend the sky, it felt so strong I was scared of feeling it. It was my LORD Who gave me ways to manage it, in small times of release based on His own Biblical models of pouring out His anger. Now anger has become a protection, much like a healthily angry protective friend.  “In your anger do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26)  He doesn’t say “Do not have any anger." That is completely unbiblical against evil and injustice, and such an approach in the name of Christ has only compounded the effects of trauma for so many trying to heal in Him.

He hears every moment of my seemingly unending cry for justice. Where do people go with that rage, without knowing a God Who records all things, is more furious at evil than we can ever carry, and holds the Courts of Heaven in ready hushed silence at His Entering Presence of Perfect Eternal Judgment?

I also do not know where people put the unanswerable question of how and why people can do such evil. I spent many hours asking the same question, trying to understand how and why some humans can be so deceitful, manipulative and selfish, to operate without empathy for another human soul. But like my family by tribe who survived the Holocaust, evil cannot be understood by the sane. It makes no sense. There is no order to it. Only demonic disorder. There comes a time when we learn to keep bringing that unanswerable question to the Judge of the Universe and leave it with Him, in His Infinity Reaching Power and Judgment. Someone recently said, "It's amazing you believe in God", to which I said: "Actually, it's the opposite. Living through such evil for so long proved God's existence to me even more, because I've experienced that evil is very real, therefore God's goodness must also be."

“Say the same prayer for the two people who have done the most evil to you, who are still alive.”

And yet I knew. He was asking me to do something that would release any last or attempted re-capturing of bitterness in me. He was once again, yet again, re-establishing within every part of my being that His forgiveness is for everyone. All I have is Him.

“Be holy for your Father is holy.” (1 Peter 1:16)

"I am the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy." (Leviticus 11:44)

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” (Matthew 5:7)

Imagine my abusers not only trying to steal so much that wasn’t theirs but through my own disobedience to God's grace, I then allow them to steal my place in the Rapture with my King Yeshua? What is this life of servanthood unless I give up all of my decisions to Him, including whom I will forgive?

In that moment, as I looked up at His sky He reminded me of the image of Corrie Ten Boom as she forgave the Nazi guard that killed her sister. Jesus’s forgiveness is for everyone. I said the words. I prayed for their souls to be forgiven in Jesus’ Name. I detest the evil they have done. So does Jesus. Maybe one day before they die they might too. His forgiveness is for everyone. His death on that Cross was for everyone.

I immediately got an even deeper steadying of His Peace, His Love, His greater gift of His Presence. He wanted me to be even freer in Him. He wants me to go up to be with Him.  And obedience to Him is the path, because He is the Path: “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6)

But from Heaven looking down, this history in which we live is about Him. His Glory. He gets more Glory if a wicked person becomes a repentant forgiven saint. For then His power makes people gasp. He gets one more voice in Heaven worshipping Him. He steals one more soul from the devil’s lust for destruction and chaos. Everything evil is the devil making an attempt to ragefully steal his creator’s Glory for himself. He is a thief, a deceiver, his lusts for attention and is full of wickedness. He knows he must hide his wickedness by 'masquerading as an angel of light' (2 Corinthians 11:14) until his victim's are ensnared. He is deceiving many, many souls right now into a living hell, and ultimately an eternal one, through his many disguises in modern life and discussion.

My God is the Perfect Judge. He knows what evil or not my abusers received themselves. I must not assume or judge ultimately. I can say this because He has given me all the time I needed to go through healing from the long-term, deeply hidden, effects of trauma; the repression, shock, terror, fear, grief, anger, out into acceptance and release. There are people walking this earth, who know nothing of the trauma I've lived through, who see me so in love with Yeshua, who see my life protected by Him through the battles, and say to themselves: “He can save her but He cannot save me because what I went through was so bad.” I have often wondered if we privately shared our histories that they may even agree mine was worse and change their minds about the Kindness, Beauty and Love of God. If Yeshua can make my life look and be like this, He can save and heal your soul too. 

“Servants of the Most High God, come out... [of the fire]. And their garments were not even affected and the smell of fire was not on them." (Daniel 3:27) Is He talking about my testimony, your testimony, the Rapture of His Bride, or all these miracles at once? "Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and may enter the city by its gates." (Revelation 22:14) He is the Only Judge. He will punish the wickedly unrepentant, but He will save the repentant wicked. For aren’t we all, compared to Him? I pray this testimony helps you know more of Jesus Christ.

He is our Light in the darkness. That is how we can be light in the increasing darkness around us, because we are now in Him. The LORD wants me to say that if you are in Him, you do not have to fear the coming dark winter."


"Light dawns in the darkness for the upright - for the gracious, compassionate, and righteous." (Psalm 112:4)

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